You know how I love my marks - I wear them, enjoy them, wince at them and glow with pride at them. And bruises are up there with the best marks. This weekend, no impact play. Oh no - much more intense and collected than that. But I've still got bruises :-D Fronts of my thighs, up near the region, from where I was probably grinding into the table. So not only can I take a 'monkey shower' and grin from the inside out, but also every time I pull my pants down I can see the bruises at the front and it transports me straight back. Table, towel, you, me, 60 needles, blood, horn, love.
xxxxxx
Sunday, 20 September 2009
Loss of control
It's been another amazing weekend chez you and me although actually it was 4 whole nights and almost 4 whole days. A treat. An oasis in a confusing, worrying and challenging time for me. I can't even begin to sum up how incredibly relaxed you make me feel - as if there is nothing else happening in the world but you and me.
Wednesday
I can't really remember Wednesday night because of what has come since but I have a feeling that we were supposed to go to sleep but we didn't cos we got horny instead :-D I do remember your strong, beautiful hands around my throat, you playing with my nipples, me finding your cock and then a deep relaxed sleep.
Thursday
Waking up next to you - you horny I seem to remember. Bliss. Bread baking in the kitchen! The trauma with your car in the evening. Not so good. Being together. Perfect
Friday
Evening out with dinner and work chats, champagne and little comments that I loved from you, a tap on the bum, a tangle of fingers under the table. Again, a sleep like no other - peaceful.
Saturday
You didn't go where you were supposed to go. I felt guilty but I felt so immensely pleased and thrilled and honoured and privileged all at the same time. We spent a happy (domestic bliss) day together.
The evening. Roast chicken with roast potatoes that I know you love. Cooking for you makes me happy.
Then click - our collar is put around my neck. "That's better you say" I get up and kiss you, quivering in anticipation. "Go and have a shower" No hesitation on my part.
Then downstairs again. Table is cleared, your knives are out, there are towels on the table. You peel off my towel. I'm suddenly embarrassed about being naked in front of you although I know I have to be. This doesn't work when I have the security of clothes.
"Bend over the table, pretend you are diving" you say. Immediately I respond. "Good girl" you say, I melt. Gently you start to stroke my back, my bottom and my thighs. You take a knife and draw it slowly slowly down my spine. It feels amazing and soothing, cathartic, right. Patterns, angles, points, the flat side (oh god the noise of the flat side). I feel myself drifting but conscious of my breathing, of the towel under my face which smells of you, of the fact that I am getting wet already.
Then "pop". I know that sound. "I'm going to make pretty patterns on your back" you say. I whimper but in an encouraging way - not a moan, more a eager, anticipatory sound. And then you start. Hot sharp point, strange icy feeling as the needle goes under my skin then warmth as it settles. And again, and again, and again. "Pop" goes the packaging, your big hand calming me as you carefully place each needle. "Are you okay my darling?" you say occasionally but mostly there is silence apart from your breathing, my breathing and my occasional yelps as a needle just pierces (deeper? across a nerve?) my skin.
The patterns you are making I am sure are a butterfly - a long body down my spine and then curves at the top. I concentrate hard on how it feels, how it feels to be under your spell and your command, how my body feels when I am not in control, how my mind races but is also calm. I concentrate on the warmth on my back and the heat between my legs. I concentrate on the towel under my face, on twisting my fingers together when it hurts, on stretching my leg to stop the muscles quivering.
Then suddenly you have a finger in my cunt. Or your thumb. And I'm aching for this. I'm sure the noises that come out of my mouth are more gutteral now, more animal - just base feeling. You push and fuck me with your finger, willing me to come. And then it happens and I'm aware that not only am I wet, I am dripping wet. I can feel it inside my thighs. I'm embarrassed, ashamed but also deliciously humiliated. You do this to me. I never do this. You have my body and my mind and at your touch my body betrays my mind. And then again. You push inside me hard and I lose control of all feeling as I whimper and moan and say "no" and sob without tears. I'm dripping wet, down my legs, onto my feet. I can't imagine I will ever stand up again. But then you haven't finished yet as you push again into me "come for me my baby, come" and again I do. I can smell the heat and lust in the room and feel my face burning. It is incredible.
You scratch and scratch and I never want it to end as I feel the fire on my back, my thighs. Mmmmmm.
Photos - thank you.
Then it's fast forward as the needles come out, the blood is wiped away, we have hugs, I try to focus and comprehend what has just happened. You look radiant and handsome and pleased and exhausted.
"6 needles" you say. "6?" I question thinking there must have been at least 20. "Well, times that 6 by 10" you chuckle. Wow. 60 needles in my back? You put 60 needles in my back?
God did it feel good.
Speech took a long time to come back, as did focus and the use of my limbs. I just wanted to sit by your chair with my head on your hand and breathe you in. So I did.
And when sleep came, when we were curled up around each other, the glow inside just spread and spread and I am sure I went to sleep with a grin. And I woke up with an even bigger one.
The morning after
What we have is incredibly rewarding and amazing. I love you sounds too little for how I feel about you. The things you do for me (practically) I cannot thank you enough. The way you love me, care for me, treat me, play with me, touch me, kiss me, hold me - thank you.
I love you daddy xxxx
Wednesday
I can't really remember Wednesday night because of what has come since but I have a feeling that we were supposed to go to sleep but we didn't cos we got horny instead :-D I do remember your strong, beautiful hands around my throat, you playing with my nipples, me finding your cock and then a deep relaxed sleep.
Thursday
Waking up next to you - you horny I seem to remember. Bliss. Bread baking in the kitchen! The trauma with your car in the evening. Not so good. Being together. Perfect
Friday
Evening out with dinner and work chats, champagne and little comments that I loved from you, a tap on the bum, a tangle of fingers under the table. Again, a sleep like no other - peaceful.
Saturday
You didn't go where you were supposed to go. I felt guilty but I felt so immensely pleased and thrilled and honoured and privileged all at the same time. We spent a happy (domestic bliss) day together.
The evening. Roast chicken with roast potatoes that I know you love. Cooking for you makes me happy.
Then click - our collar is put around my neck. "That's better you say" I get up and kiss you, quivering in anticipation. "Go and have a shower" No hesitation on my part.
Then downstairs again. Table is cleared, your knives are out, there are towels on the table. You peel off my towel. I'm suddenly embarrassed about being naked in front of you although I know I have to be. This doesn't work when I have the security of clothes.
"Bend over the table, pretend you are diving" you say. Immediately I respond. "Good girl" you say, I melt. Gently you start to stroke my back, my bottom and my thighs. You take a knife and draw it slowly slowly down my spine. It feels amazing and soothing, cathartic, right. Patterns, angles, points, the flat side (oh god the noise of the flat side). I feel myself drifting but conscious of my breathing, of the towel under my face which smells of you, of the fact that I am getting wet already.
Then "pop". I know that sound. "I'm going to make pretty patterns on your back" you say. I whimper but in an encouraging way - not a moan, more a eager, anticipatory sound. And then you start. Hot sharp point, strange icy feeling as the needle goes under my skin then warmth as it settles. And again, and again, and again. "Pop" goes the packaging, your big hand calming me as you carefully place each needle. "Are you okay my darling?" you say occasionally but mostly there is silence apart from your breathing, my breathing and my occasional yelps as a needle just pierces (deeper? across a nerve?) my skin.
The patterns you are making I am sure are a butterfly - a long body down my spine and then curves at the top. I concentrate hard on how it feels, how it feels to be under your spell and your command, how my body feels when I am not in control, how my mind races but is also calm. I concentrate on the warmth on my back and the heat between my legs. I concentrate on the towel under my face, on twisting my fingers together when it hurts, on stretching my leg to stop the muscles quivering.
Then suddenly you have a finger in my cunt. Or your thumb. And I'm aching for this. I'm sure the noises that come out of my mouth are more gutteral now, more animal - just base feeling. You push and fuck me with your finger, willing me to come. And then it happens and I'm aware that not only am I wet, I am dripping wet. I can feel it inside my thighs. I'm embarrassed, ashamed but also deliciously humiliated. You do this to me. I never do this. You have my body and my mind and at your touch my body betrays my mind. And then again. You push inside me hard and I lose control of all feeling as I whimper and moan and say "no" and sob without tears. I'm dripping wet, down my legs, onto my feet. I can't imagine I will ever stand up again. But then you haven't finished yet as you push again into me "come for me my baby, come" and again I do. I can smell the heat and lust in the room and feel my face burning. It is incredible.
You scratch and scratch and I never want it to end as I feel the fire on my back, my thighs. Mmmmmm.
Photos - thank you.
Then it's fast forward as the needles come out, the blood is wiped away, we have hugs, I try to focus and comprehend what has just happened. You look radiant and handsome and pleased and exhausted.
"6 needles" you say. "6?" I question thinking there must have been at least 20. "Well, times that 6 by 10" you chuckle. Wow. 60 needles in my back? You put 60 needles in my back?
God did it feel good.
Speech took a long time to come back, as did focus and the use of my limbs. I just wanted to sit by your chair with my head on your hand and breathe you in. So I did.
And when sleep came, when we were curled up around each other, the glow inside just spread and spread and I am sure I went to sleep with a grin. And I woke up with an even bigger one.
The morning after
What we have is incredibly rewarding and amazing. I love you sounds too little for how I feel about you. The things you do for me (practically) I cannot thank you enough. The way you love me, care for me, treat me, play with me, touch me, kiss me, hold me - thank you.
I love you daddy xxxx
Wednesday, 9 September 2009
It's my birthday and I'll fly if I want to
you came to see me - at home, in my house :-D you nearly didn't cos plans changed and then changed back
you clicked our collar around my neck
you put my dressing gown cord around my wrists
you laid me down on my dining room table
you let me see your knives laid out like soldiers waiting for the battle cry
you stuck 40 needles into my back, either side of my spine
you wound your pretty red ribbon around in a corset pattern
you used your knives on my skin - cold and hot, bliss and pain
you took photos
you stood me up - I couldn't focus
you took more photos
you looked into my eyes
I am so in love with you xxxxx
you clicked our collar around my neck
you put my dressing gown cord around my wrists
you laid me down on my dining room table
you let me see your knives laid out like soldiers waiting for the battle cry
you stuck 40 needles into my back, either side of my spine
you wound your pretty red ribbon around in a corset pattern
you used your knives on my skin - cold and hot, bliss and pain
you took photos
you stood me up - I couldn't focus
you took more photos
you looked into my eyes
I am so in love with you xxxxx
Sunday, 23 August 2009
Wow
Not sure I am even going to do this weekend justice, but I will try
Friday
It's been an age since we both 'looked forward to Friday'. I wasn't expecting much just the need to be in your arms again. So we talked, we sparred, we tangoed, we jostled for position. We went to bed. We felt it. We felt the need. We went to sleep.
Saturday morning
We woke. There was an urgency. There was lust. No words were needed but being throttled by you, having my head turned to suck your cock - I understood. This was not about me - this was about us, about you, about me serving you. Wow.
We went for a wander - an old school mooch. We went into London, we enjoyed, we were just us. Two people enjoying some time off. And it was fantastic but hot, great but busy. We ate prawns outside a pub - a girly 'flirted' with me. We were just us having some time together.
Home. Supper. Washing up. Mundanity. Togetherness. Comfortable togetherness.
Nine o'clock 'well, you'd better go and have a shower' Not that I wasn't expecting it as you'd already planted in my mind - I'm going to tie you up, I'm going to re-cut that 'D'
I took extra care. Usually I just jump in and out. But Saturday night - I re-shaved, I ensured I was spotless for you.
Downstairs. What music? Jokes with the rope. Too trivial. I wanted more demonstrative explosion of your command - sit there, look at me, shut up. I didn't need to wait too long.
Rope. Too thick, too loose but still I understood the significance. Then you slapped my face - twice. That was enough. Stop f**king about. Listen to me. I'm in charge. My cheek was burning when you got your knife. Against my breast, on my throat, on my cheek. I couldn't breathe - all I wanted was to relax, all I got was panic, fear, anxiety, headache, expectation. You kissed me, you put the collar around my neck that I had seen for two weeks (that I had imagined for every day of that two weeks) This is where I want you to be. God it felt amazing. I melted. I understood. I shivered. Then I giggled. The rope had moved. I'm sorry. This was a defining moment - you are mine - you are mine forever - you are mine - and I giggled. Sorry xx
But this wasn't it. I thought that would be it - I had broken the moment, I had ruined the headspace but NO. You were in your element. Made me go and get two towels (in my head - blood??? comfort? save the table?) and then I pansied around - oh my god the table won't hold me while all the while thinking - what the hell is he going to do? how does he know the table will hold me? who else has he had on this table?)
Curtains closed, music chosen, breathing settled (almost).
The knife. The wonderful amazing, challenging, levelling knife. I couldn't get my breathing in sync. I wanted to relax but I couldnt. I was panicking. Knife. body. flesh. It was hard. It used to be easier but then it never used to mean this much. This was IT. this was the reconciliation, the 'rest of our life' play. This was serious. So I slowed my breathing, I concentrated on my heart, on the knot of towels within my hands. And I enjoyed and loved and endured and hoped you were doing the same.
I already knew you had rigged the violet wand up. I was expecting the crackle, the noise, the feeling. It never came. Instead - you pierced my skin. Up by my neck. You put something through my skin. I KNEW it was a needle yet...yet...I also know how you can play with my mind. Until the third or fourth prick, pain, heat, deep breath, fire, I still didn't believe. So I just went with it. Time after time - pain, prick, heat, relief. By my spine. Through my skin, down my back. The crunckle of the paper, the pierce, prick, heat, relief. And it went on and on and on and on. And at some point you said 'you are doing so well' but by then I wasn't doing anything - I was just being. I was mewing, I was exhaling, I was twitching. At some point you put a very large knife on my back but by then I was so confused, so mind-f**ked it could have been anything - a coke can, an orange. Oh yes and you scraped down my legs - that was a first - so horribly scary but amazing.
Fast forward. You were taking needles out of my back. I heard you dropping them into the sharps bin, I felt you wiping blood away. I asked you if you had made me bleed. You dipped a finger (thumb?) then brought it to my parched mouth. God I wish you had let me suck then. I didn't even taste a thing but I knew then that I was bleeding.
Then. Fire pain sharp horrible pain as you took a blade to my arse. Straight down - okay I can deal with that. Curve - NOOOOOOOOOOOO. Stop now, I can't cope. Please please please daddy stop. I thought I would cry. Then it stopped.
Surgical spirit. You can tell me a million times it helps me but I HATE IT. I was so far gone - so completely under your spell - and then you scrape and cleanse my back and arse with something that to be honest is worse than all the knives and needles you own. And again (just for fun apparently). I HATE IT. It makes my floaty, out of this world, god I love you moment turn into AAAAAAAAARGH. Afterwards I understand. At the time just AAAAAAARGH.
Twice you disappeared. Twice I panicked internally. I needed you. I needed you to say 'my baby' I needed you to touch between my legs I needed you to reassure me that I had done well. When finally you returned to help me off the table I was absolutely flying. Off with the fairies - away with the fairies perhaps? I didn't even realise until I stood up, my heart stopped beating, my head stopped pounding, my hands stopped shaking. The rest is a blur. I couldn't see, I couldn't talk, I couldn't focus.
God I needed you then. Strong, tall, big, dependable. Almost like it wasn't you that had just put me through all that - you were my saviour. You were my rock. You were my blanket.
Afterwards. You looked elated. I looked wrecked. We were miles apart. I needed to be in your arms, on your lap. You chuckled - how many needles? Twelve I said maybe (thinking that was an exaggeration) 38 you said. My head went mad. Then I needed, had to be in your lap.
Bed. Hugs. Analysis. Not just of tonight but of the last week. Then the sleep of the dead - the best night's sleep in about six months. Waking to hugs and a hard-on and 'my baby' and sex and orgasms and sleep and hugs and mutual love and respect.
WOW. A weekend like no other. I wore my collar proudly for 24 hours and when you went to take it off, I died inside. I wanted to wear it forever. I belong to you. I'm yours. Who cares about convention, tradition, expectation? Who cares? I'm yours and I want the world to know.
WOW xxxxxxx
Friday
It's been an age since we both 'looked forward to Friday'. I wasn't expecting much just the need to be in your arms again. So we talked, we sparred, we tangoed, we jostled for position. We went to bed. We felt it. We felt the need. We went to sleep.
Saturday morning
We woke. There was an urgency. There was lust. No words were needed but being throttled by you, having my head turned to suck your cock - I understood. This was not about me - this was about us, about you, about me serving you. Wow.
We went for a wander - an old school mooch. We went into London, we enjoyed, we were just us. Two people enjoying some time off. And it was fantastic but hot, great but busy. We ate prawns outside a pub - a girly 'flirted' with me. We were just us having some time together.
Home. Supper. Washing up. Mundanity. Togetherness. Comfortable togetherness.
Nine o'clock 'well, you'd better go and have a shower' Not that I wasn't expecting it as you'd already planted in my mind - I'm going to tie you up, I'm going to re-cut that 'D'
I took extra care. Usually I just jump in and out. But Saturday night - I re-shaved, I ensured I was spotless for you.
Downstairs. What music? Jokes with the rope. Too trivial. I wanted more demonstrative explosion of your command - sit there, look at me, shut up. I didn't need to wait too long.
Rope. Too thick, too loose but still I understood the significance. Then you slapped my face - twice. That was enough. Stop f**king about. Listen to me. I'm in charge. My cheek was burning when you got your knife. Against my breast, on my throat, on my cheek. I couldn't breathe - all I wanted was to relax, all I got was panic, fear, anxiety, headache, expectation. You kissed me, you put the collar around my neck that I had seen for two weeks (that I had imagined for every day of that two weeks) This is where I want you to be. God it felt amazing. I melted. I understood. I shivered. Then I giggled. The rope had moved. I'm sorry. This was a defining moment - you are mine - you are mine forever - you are mine - and I giggled. Sorry xx
But this wasn't it. I thought that would be it - I had broken the moment, I had ruined the headspace but NO. You were in your element. Made me go and get two towels (in my head - blood??? comfort? save the table?) and then I pansied around - oh my god the table won't hold me while all the while thinking - what the hell is he going to do? how does he know the table will hold me? who else has he had on this table?)
Curtains closed, music chosen, breathing settled (almost).
The knife. The wonderful amazing, challenging, levelling knife. I couldn't get my breathing in sync. I wanted to relax but I couldnt. I was panicking. Knife. body. flesh. It was hard. It used to be easier but then it never used to mean this much. This was IT. this was the reconciliation, the 'rest of our life' play. This was serious. So I slowed my breathing, I concentrated on my heart, on the knot of towels within my hands. And I enjoyed and loved and endured and hoped you were doing the same.
I already knew you had rigged the violet wand up. I was expecting the crackle, the noise, the feeling. It never came. Instead - you pierced my skin. Up by my neck. You put something through my skin. I KNEW it was a needle yet...yet...I also know how you can play with my mind. Until the third or fourth prick, pain, heat, deep breath, fire, I still didn't believe. So I just went with it. Time after time - pain, prick, heat, relief. By my spine. Through my skin, down my back. The crunckle of the paper, the pierce, prick, heat, relief. And it went on and on and on and on. And at some point you said 'you are doing so well' but by then I wasn't doing anything - I was just being. I was mewing, I was exhaling, I was twitching. At some point you put a very large knife on my back but by then I was so confused, so mind-f**ked it could have been anything - a coke can, an orange. Oh yes and you scraped down my legs - that was a first - so horribly scary but amazing.
Fast forward. You were taking needles out of my back. I heard you dropping them into the sharps bin, I felt you wiping blood away. I asked you if you had made me bleed. You dipped a finger (thumb?) then brought it to my parched mouth. God I wish you had let me suck then. I didn't even taste a thing but I knew then that I was bleeding.
Then. Fire pain sharp horrible pain as you took a blade to my arse. Straight down - okay I can deal with that. Curve - NOOOOOOOOOOOO. Stop now, I can't cope. Please please please daddy stop. I thought I would cry. Then it stopped.
Surgical spirit. You can tell me a million times it helps me but I HATE IT. I was so far gone - so completely under your spell - and then you scrape and cleanse my back and arse with something that to be honest is worse than all the knives and needles you own. And again (just for fun apparently). I HATE IT. It makes my floaty, out of this world, god I love you moment turn into AAAAAAAAARGH. Afterwards I understand. At the time just AAAAAAARGH.
Twice you disappeared. Twice I panicked internally. I needed you. I needed you to say 'my baby' I needed you to touch between my legs I needed you to reassure me that I had done well. When finally you returned to help me off the table I was absolutely flying. Off with the fairies - away with the fairies perhaps? I didn't even realise until I stood up, my heart stopped beating, my head stopped pounding, my hands stopped shaking. The rest is a blur. I couldn't see, I couldn't talk, I couldn't focus.
God I needed you then. Strong, tall, big, dependable. Almost like it wasn't you that had just put me through all that - you were my saviour. You were my rock. You were my blanket.
Afterwards. You looked elated. I looked wrecked. We were miles apart. I needed to be in your arms, on your lap. You chuckled - how many needles? Twelve I said maybe (thinking that was an exaggeration) 38 you said. My head went mad. Then I needed, had to be in your lap.
Bed. Hugs. Analysis. Not just of tonight but of the last week. Then the sleep of the dead - the best night's sleep in about six months. Waking to hugs and a hard-on and 'my baby' and sex and orgasms and sleep and hugs and mutual love and respect.
WOW. A weekend like no other. I wore my collar proudly for 24 hours and when you went to take it off, I died inside. I wanted to wear it forever. I belong to you. I'm yours. Who cares about convention, tradition, expectation? Who cares? I'm yours and I want the world to know.
WOW xxxxxxx
38 = 1
The most perfect D in the world
38 needles did you say? I couldn't believe that last night - last night when I couldn't focus, I couldn't speak, I couldn't walk, I couldn't do more than grin at you - you sitting there looking radiant and happy and alive and tired. 38. I still can't believe it. But what it does mean is that once more, we are together as one.
xxxxxx
Tuesday, 18 August 2009
By your side....
.......I am stronger, we are happier, you are in charge
.......is where I should be, is where I want to be, where you want me to be
......is safe, is secure, is home.
xxx
.......is where I should be, is where I want to be, where you want me to be
......is safe, is secure, is home.
xxx
Monday, 17 August 2009
And another
"You Could Be Happy" Snow Patrol
Particularly the line - you made me happier than I'd been by far. Its true and I will never forget it.
You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go
And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head
Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur
Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door
You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far
Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true
Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do
More than anything I want to see you, girl
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world
Particularly the line - you made me happier than I'd been by far. Its true and I will never forget it.
You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go
And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head
Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur
Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door
You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far
Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true
Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do
More than anything I want to see you, girl
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world
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