Five months, a world of difference

Wow. I've just read back through my posts which has been fascinating. Seeing the development of things and details. Very interesting.

Recap - April 19th went to Dark in London with Tim. D was there along with others from the scene who I know now. Spent most of the night bent over while Tim went to work with the crop and the paddle. Got right into subspace for the first time which was like being high on weed. A lovely feeling. Was beaten and beaten - on the St Andrews Cross, on the horse. Really good fun and painful.

And that was the beginning of the end with Tim. His anger issues threatened to take over our relationship, I sent him away to get help, he tried, we tried but on 19th June he assaulted me. That's it then. Game over.

And now? Now I'm back yearning for some love and attention. I pulled a fantastically fit beautiful gorgeous vanilla bar man and we spent about 2 weeks fucking. Then he backed off. I suspect he can see a neediness in me that isn't at first apparent as I am so independent and "confident". I think he's gorgeous but that's it.