The moment where it all came together

I realise I've been whingey recently - "I can't do xxxx" "he can't do xxx" "we can't do xxx" "we'll never be able to do xxx"

How boring am I sounding? How utterly focused on the things that might not happen? Well, sorry. Because the things that do happen are beyond any imagination, any 'wildest dreams'. I've thought long and hard about 'other' options and the truth is - there are none. Because to find a man who holds me, who is inside my head, my heart and my desires, who supports, adores and worships me above all others is totally unachievable. Or is he?

Actually I have found my one. Na - he found me! He chased me across the interweb, made sure he was there in times of strife and bore his way into my heart before I'd even had time to blink! But aside from all the 'virtual' 'stuff' that goes on in this lifestyle, it's the reality that is so splendiferously incredible. Yeah - I made that last word up but then I work in communications, in spin, so before long, you'll all be using splendiferously without so much as batting an eyelid :-)

The moment? Well two today actually. When my darling girl announced that 'well, you've kissed him, you might as well marry him' coupled with the same darling girl's frustration that she wouldn't get to spend time with you like I had over the last 24 hours.

Being with you is pure bliss. Being 'with' you is utter bliss. Together in bed, in public, in the street, at the pub. The look, the grin, the hand-hold, the chuckle. The understanding. For that's what it is - the understanding. We talked at length this week about how I have changed, yet I still manage to think that fighting my own personal battles is a time solely for me. But you are always there. Casting a knowledgeable yet wise eye over proceedings - watching me take (dare I say it) faltering steps to my own success. Always. Always. There.

I suspect I will always crave more - more play, more time, more control, more direction, more pervery, more debauchery, more fantasy. More more more more more. However, what we have is more than 'more' - it is real and actual, it is lust and love. It is reality and realisation that I have never ever been happier.

For all my whingeing, for all my "but......" the truth is that as a mentor, as a lover, as my daddy and as my Dom, what we have is so splendiferously incredibly amazingly right that the rest actually becomes fantasy.

Thank you daddy. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for setting this girl (ooooh Gorean or what?!) on the path to utter fulfilment whilst taking her round the houses in terms of sensation, feeling, desire and contentment.

I love you. I love us. I love our future together plans.

Thank you for everything xxxxxxxxx

Dreams, dreams, dreams

It's been a week, a month, a year of dreams. Of dreams come true and of dreams yet to be realised. But this post relates to the nocturnal, sub-conscious variety which have been vivid, and gory, scary, exciting and downright peculiar recently. For posterity (and 'cos I'm a little embarrassed to tell you face-to-face) I thought I'd report them here.

Dream 1 - in which you don't seem to care
There have been various permutations of this one recently. There was the night in the club where I was wearing only a gingham pinny but you were too busy in a locked room with another sub to speak to me so I spent the whole night wandering around. There was the one where I escaped a near drowning when a bus I was on crashed into the sea, only to wander into a full on Gaza Strip style gun fight all the while receiving texts from you saying "well if you are not going to make an effort to find me then f*** you"

Dream 2 - in which I don't seem to care
There have been several of these too but they are not about not caring about you! More about not caring what happens to me. The one where I am chained to a fence, naked bar your collar, wrists above my head, legs spread. And blindfolded. All the time a party is going on and I am ignored for what seems like several hours. Until you and A N Others come and dissect me - not in a cutting sense (calm down daddy :-)) but in a "what price this piece of meat" sense. So I am prodded, you announce that I'm definitely worth the fee and that I'm "pretty good at giving head" and then my thighs and arse are squeezed as if testing for freshness/youth. I always wake up before anything exciting happens in this one......!

The one where I am locked in a cupboard at a party with only a small hole to see through. Everyone is having a brilliant time, lots of play and laughter. Occasionally someone stands near the hole and peers in but basically I am ignored.

The one where I am trussed to a pole, again naked but for your collar and this time I am hooded. Completely depersonalised really. And gagged. I can squirm but that's it. And in this dream, I know I am wet because even in my semi-comatose state I can feel the wetness between my legs, feel myself rubbing my legs together to try to give me some satisfaction. I am poked and hit, held and kissed, flicked and fondled. I can hear you saying "my cunt" to anyone that wanders by but then also saying "but she's such a whore feel free to do what you like" The end of this dream is invariably me collapsing into your arms after a lifetime (night) of debauchery.

Dream 3 - in which I can't believe what is happening
The whore dream. The one that if you look back through these posts, through our texts, conversations and whispered nighttime fantasies, appears the most. I am yours, but you loan me out. You make me suck countless cocks, or service numerous women, or act as a total slut in a lorry-park or give myself to someone you pick out of a crowd. The deepest darkest dream involves you giving me to someone while you stay and stroke my hair, telling me how proud you are of me but what a disgusting slut I have become. This one ends always with me coming in my sleep.




xxxx

Whipped into shape

It's been such an incredible rollercoaster of a two weeks. Immense highs, some lows, some stress, some crossness, some incredible connection and lots and lots of communication.

I want to start by saying that when I am lying in your arms, the bed soaked through because of what you do to me, my skin tingling because of your hands, my head spinning because of your words - there is nothing wrong with the world at all. Connection magnified through every nerve and neurone, pleasure coursing through my body and my head, my face alive with the joy of being with you. Your smell, your feel, your taste, your words, your touch, your breath, your presence. Incredible.

We played! Oh and we played again!

First there was the "I'm going to cut you" evening. And you did. You re-carved our 'D' and our 'D' in a heart. And you added another D + S for good measure. And you used your knives, your nails and your hands. Oh your hands.......I haven't floated away like that for such a long time darling.




And then we went away to a hot, strange place and it was fantastic. And I only wish it could have been longer because travel is my thing and I haven't done enough recently (well not for fun anyway). I was so looking forward to being away with you. For the most part it really was great - the walk along the beach on day one, the time by the pool on day three, the trip to Dubai. Other parts I struggled with. It seemed the physical/age chasm reared its ugly head rather more than I had been prepared to believe. I felt frustrated that we wouldn't be able to do things rather than revelling in those things we could do. So I got sarcastic and snippy, rude, distant and aloof. I hate the way I do that, and I particularly hate the way I did that to you. To you who is my rock, the man who cares and adores for me so much that it makes me cry. The man who worked so hard so that we could enjoy this time away together. I was bratty, a 'pain in the arse' and I wish I could re-live the days again but with a better attitude. I'm so sorry daddy for letting you down.


We came home. We went to work. We re-connected. Last night, wearing just my collar, curled up in the middle of the bed blindfolded waiting.....just waiting......

You got out the whip. It whooshed through the air, it landed on my bare, unprepared skin. It tingled, it tickled, then it hurt. Across my back, across my bottom, the tops of my thighs. It stung and bit me. It wasn't a regular pattern either - I couldn't get into it. I couldn't get away from it.

Then you had me pinned down, your body weight across my stretched out body. And you went to work. Spank, spank, smack, spank, scratch, smack, spank. Again and again and again. I could feel the wetness, the way my body instantly responds to your touch, from the moment I lay down on the bed. I moaned like a whore as you felt me, as you pushed your fingers inside me only to retract as quickly as you had entered. I ached all over for you to touch me but again you punished my bottom saying "tomorrow I want you to feel this, to remember what I am doing to you" I can't remember what else you said but I remember vividly how it felt as you finally pushed me to orgasm.

Still blindfolded I was allowed to suck your cock. It's been ages and it tasted so good felt so perfect. Taking you completely into my throat, making myself gag because I know you love it. You filled my head with "you need to find a girly who could be licking you right now" and "you need to find a girly who will help you suck daddy's cock" And I didn't say a word because I was so ashamed how horny that made me.

You seemed pleased with the result!

We kissed, we held each other, so deeply entwined that I couldn't work out where one ended and the other began. Your smile, your hands, the pain as you twisted my nipple so hard. When you left me, under the duvet, I was still dripping wet but I couldn't move because of the pleasure you had created.

All day today has been a haze of happiness. A pink fluffy glow of knowing that what we have is so incredible that the bits we 'don't have' seem so unimportant. A lifetime of firsts you have afforded me in just 18 months. It is an awe-inspiring feat. I'm alive, I'm in love, I'm loved, I'm wanted and desired, I'm making you proud.

The parts that were wrong - it was my mindset that was wrong. The parts that are SO right - it is our mindset that makes them that way.

Thank you daddy for everything and most of all for holding me tight and not letting me go.

I love you xxxx forever xxxxxx

You...

....take my pain don't you?

...are my cunt aren't you?

....are so wet aren't you?

...are mine.


xxxx

Just pure joy xxx

she made me daddy, really, she made me!







What are you thinking Evie Weevie?!!!