Pain

I love you so much it hurts to breathe, it hurts to stop breathing. I'm completely head over heels. It's not a good feeling - it's a panicky feeling. What happens if I get hurt? I can't stop myself feeling like this but it's as if every word that you say, that you text, that you don't say are bubbles of oxygen getting me through the next few minutes. This can't be healthy this feeling. I don't want to be needy to be insecure but we've had an issue - an ex issue and a trust issue - and it isn't resolved.

I need you to know how I feel about you. How I would do anything for you, how I would always be there for you. In times of trouble, depression, anxiety, stress, pleasure and pain. I want to be by your side. I need you to trust that I will be there when you fall and I will catch you and put you back together again and make you whole.

i love your humour, your intelligence, your diverse knowledge, your outlook, your comprehension. I love your face, your eyes that look so sad, your body, your cock. I love how you wrap me up in your arms and tell me I look hot when I am naked bar your mambo hoody. I love that when we sleep, we touch.

I don't know what is going to happen and I feel out of control - my emotions are driving my rational side. This never happens to me. I can look back and say 'it's only two months, actions speak louder than words, I've met your friends and your dad' but I can also look back and say 'what is she doing to us? why are you speaking to her? what do you want from her? what do you want from me? can I give you everything you need and want?'

However much I want you and I want us I can't make you feel the same. I'm just going to have to wait and see and try to enjoy as we start out on this journey.

I'm in love with you Jonny and it hurts.