Home

Whether it was the sharp intense pain of the staples, or the smooth dulcet tones of your voice - whether it was the deep brown eyes that shone with love, or the hand on the back of my neck as the knife was run down my spine. Whatever it was - I felt like I was home.

The anticipation of another weekend with you - a first in many ways - was very exciting but also daunting at the same time. Would we connect like we used to? Would we feel awkward with each other, so many questions still to answer, so much pain still in evidence. But I needn't have worried because everything just felt like I was home.

Friday - we chilled, we ate, we chatted, we kissed. The new collar. Shiny and cold but yet warm with so much meaning. Love and lust and wetness from us both.

Saturday - perfection. Talking, shopping (random selection of things - cats ears, stockings, feathers, food!) and then a day of preparation. Being shaved by you - lying with my legs spread as you so gently made me clean for you, ensured that I passed inspection. What a feeling. So intimate and loving and beautiful.

Dressing for you. Making sure that I would make you proud in new red and black latex - a never before worn dress.

Then being stapled shut. My cunt closed by you, for you, for us. The pain was hard to take but you told me you were so proud of me that I knew I could take it for you. Pretty black ribbon. Chastity for you.

The club - we just got straight back into our groove. I loved lying down and feeling you walk around me, hearing you whisper 'are you okay', feeling the cold steel of your blade against my hot and excited skin. And wonderful wonderful needles - I could have taken as many as you wanted to put in me. I danced in my head in time to the music, in time to our wonderful connected rhythmn. I adored feeling your hand on me, your palm against my arse, your cane, your knife, my skirt lifted up for all to see. The excitement was palpable "I can smell your cunt" you whispered in my ear at one point.

And then turned over, again on display, head tipped back, legs open as you drew your knife against my groin and laughed with onlookers.

I stood up and you held the knife against my face, putting it between my teeth. I could feel my heart and my breath - could see your beautiful handsome face looking at me. And the world stopped for just a minute. I swear I was inside you at that moment and you were inside me. This is where we belong. Doing crazy wonderful things with each other's minds and bodies. Needles in my breasts that went in so easily I didn't even wince. Talking, laughing, enjoying being as one again. An incredibly connected brilliant 'one'.

The journey home - so natural. So quiet. We hardly spoke for the majority of the time - just smiled and remembered and enjoyed and revelled in us, in our brilliance.

Sunday - I was so nervous. Being pierced for you, by you. I love the idea but as the reality grew closer I grew more tetchy and nervous.

Sweet anxiety flooded my body as I lay down and spread my legs. With you holding my hand the needle went right into my most sensitive parts - a scratchy deep but ultimately incredibly quick pain. And then it was done. And you told me how proud you were of me. And we both couldn't stop grinning.

Yes there were tears - of pain and anguish and upset and fear and emotion. But you held me, as I held you, and it was okay. It was okay for us to feel however we needed to feel at that moment.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

xxx

Video games

Swinging in the backyard
Pull up in your fast car
Whistling my name

Open up a beer
And you say get over here
And play a video game

I'm in his favorite sun dress
Watching me get undressed
Take that body downtown

I say you the bestest
Lean in for a big kiss
Put his favorite perfume on

Go play a video game

It's you, it's you, it's all for you
Everything I do
I tell you all the time
Heaven is a place on earth with you
Tell me all the things you want to do
I heard that you like the bad girls
Honey, is that true?
It's better than I ever even knew
They say that the world was built for two
Only worth living if somebody is loving you
Baby now you do

Singing in the old bars
Swinging with the old stars
Living for the fame

Kissing in the blue dark
Playing pool and wild darts
Video games

He holds me in his big arms
Drunk and I am seeing stars
This is all I think of

Watching all our friends fall
In and out of Old Paul's
This is my idea of fun
Playing video games

It's you, it's you, it's all for you
Everything I do
I tell you all the time
Heaven is a place on earth with you
Tell me all the things you want to do
I heard that you like the bad girls
Honey, is that true?
It's better than I ever even knew
They say that the world was built for two
Only worth living if somebody is loving you
Baby now you do

(Now you do)

It's you, it's you, it's all for you
Everything I do
I tell you all the time
Heaven is a place on earth with you
Tell me all the things you want to do
I heard that you like the bad girls
Honey, is that true?
It's better than I ever even knew
They say that the world was built for two
Only worth living if somebody is loving you
Baby now you do

Fix you

"Fix You"

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Feeling used

There are several men in my life, some of whom I've been sexual with and some of whom I might have hinted at possibly being sexual with in the future (had I not met the love of my life who I want to be with forever). They're nice in their own way - not nice enough for me ever to have pursued anything serious or long-term with but, ya know, nice enough. In fact, let's turn that round - nice enough but not nice enough for any of them to have pursued me further than trying for a quick grope in a dark alley.

What fucks me off the most is that 99% of them are married. Yup. Committed, in a relationship, married. Yet - to a man - when they see me / contact me they expect some sexual gratification. And I don't mean necessarily physical - just a text or a nod to say "yes, I know you're horny" These men are cunts. These men want nothing more than a cheap thrill with a girl they think is easy. What the fuck do I get out of "send me a picture of your tits" or "oh god I'm imagining you sucking my cock". I might be horny, I might be easy and sexually liberated but I'm not fucking stupid. Sex is a two - way thing. You want gratification? Look at porn. Don't bother me. I'm not a whore. I'm a filthy dirty slut for one man only - my love - so the rest of you - JUST FUCK OFF.

Pain

I love you so much it hurts to breathe, it hurts to stop breathing. I'm completely head over heels. It's not a good feeling - it's a panicky feeling. What happens if I get hurt? I can't stop myself feeling like this but it's as if every word that you say, that you text, that you don't say are bubbles of oxygen getting me through the next few minutes. This can't be healthy this feeling. I don't want to be needy to be insecure but we've had an issue - an ex issue and a trust issue - and it isn't resolved.

I need you to know how I feel about you. How I would do anything for you, how I would always be there for you. In times of trouble, depression, anxiety, stress, pleasure and pain. I want to be by your side. I need you to trust that I will be there when you fall and I will catch you and put you back together again and make you whole.

i love your humour, your intelligence, your diverse knowledge, your outlook, your comprehension. I love your face, your eyes that look so sad, your body, your cock. I love how you wrap me up in your arms and tell me I look hot when I am naked bar your mambo hoody. I love that when we sleep, we touch.

I don't know what is going to happen and I feel out of control - my emotions are driving my rational side. This never happens to me. I can look back and say 'it's only two months, actions speak louder than words, I've met your friends and your dad' but I can also look back and say 'what is she doing to us? why are you speaking to her? what do you want from her? what do you want from me? can I give you everything you need and want?'

However much I want you and I want us I can't make you feel the same. I'm just going to have to wait and see and try to enjoy as we start out on this journey.

I'm in love with you Jonny and it hurts.

The way of the world

As I ponder an imminent birthday my mind turns to that which we deem important and that which others deem vital.

I've only ever really wanted one simple thing and that is - honesty. Honesty in what I want (he wants), honesty in what I ask for (he asks for) and honesty in what I deliver (he delivers). It seems really straightforward right? To fulfil promises, to deliver on whispers sent, to complete on missives delivered.

And now I have that. Now I can trust that every word spoken equals an action delivered, a promise fulfilled, a treat decreed. What a feeling! To know that once spoken, the words become unbreakable promises - actions that will exist in the near future.

I feel more fulfilled now than ever before, happier than ever imagined, satisfied beyond doubt. I'm me but with an added element of him. Good stuff - honest, truthful, sincere and 100% genuine. Thank goodness for the way of the world.

meek shall inherit the earth

'be meek' he said as I clawed at his back as his big cock thrust into me

'be innocent' he said as I wound my stocking-clad legs around his torso

'be quiet' he said as I told him how much I adored him fucking me

it all pales into insignificance as I received a text tonight 'am feeling rather lonely without you'

We are supposed to be together. forever. together