The shakes seem to have finally disappeared. Food has finally been eaten.
I'm sitting in your house again having woken up next to you again, the first time I've seen you since all this shit kicked off.
It got surreal last night - one minute not being able to breathe with fear and panic the next laughing with you about the scene and the gossip. I feel sorry for the girl as I think she's been taken in but am worried that that's exactly what you want me to think and actually, it's me that's been taken in.
You have made some changes already - CollarMe being one of them so thank you. I'm watching. Not in an obsessive pyscho bunner boiler way but just quietly and gently so that I can learn to trust again.
I want to record your words for posterity:
I have been a fool
I have been so stupid
I don't deserve you
This has been an almighty smack in the face
I would marry you tomorrow
Everything I need is you
I love you
I am kicking myself
I am devastated
Read those words back - and again and again. Remember how bad the hurt has felt over the last three days and magnify it by a million because that's how I've felt.
It will never happen again. You must not lie to me, you must communicate with me. There will be no next time. I will walk.
x
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