So what does D/s mean to you?

To me it means

Discussion and sense
Decisions and shared plans, hopes and dreams
Discourse and sex
Deviance and security

It doesn't mean
Deception and subterfuge

I gave you everything and this is how you repay me? You poured your energy into online fantasy while I poured my energy into us. Emotionally it hurts, physically it makes me feel sick.

And last night you appeared not to acknowledge the gravitas of the situation. In effect you belittled my feelings. God that hurts. The one thing you said you would never do to me, ever. And you did it. Along with the secret chats and giggles, the planned meetings, the fantasy stoking - all of that hurts. But to belittle my feelings.

You say it's the toughest lesson you have learned and I hope it is. Because we have lost so much that was good. We have lost so much that had been nurtured, allowed to blossom and develop.

If you had told me - if you had let me in on the chats - if you had allowed me the priviledge of being privy to what has been going on then who knows what might have happened? But instead you sat behind your computer screen filling the heads of numerous women with ideas and descriptions of what you wanted to do.

I was there all the time. I ache to do things with you. Everything. Yet it was easier? more convenient? less hassle? to do it from behind your computer, to shut me out from the plans, plots and laughs.

Thank you so much. I'm no fool and I'm certainly not going to stand by and just shrug my shoulders and say 'oh well, men will be men' Because D/s is based on trust, integrity, respect and honesty. It is the best way to conduct a relationship in the world when it's going well but when it's crumbling into a million specks of nothingness it's also the hardest to comprehend.

We could have had everything, we could have done anything. But you chose this.