As I drove away today, I felt invincible. Like now that the submissive part of me had been sated, the dominant part could once again take over - in business, financial affairs, family life and the general mundanity that we all go through. But actually I realise there is no such partition.
For you are not teaching me about kinky sex - you are teaching me about the way that I need to approach everything in my life. I can transfer these lessons to everything from decisions I make with clients to the way I conduct myself in a pub. The partition is only there when you are fighting against it because when it happens naturally, things just start to click into place.
I have never thought as much as I have thought today. Busy crowded head. Part pleasure seeker (wow - that magic wand!), part little girl (how safe do I feel with you), part professional business woman (I achieved on Thursday). And all of the parts, taken as a whole come back to how you have worked your magic with me.
I know it is narcissistic to think about yourself all of the time and I am aware that this is not all about me. You find pleasure, sanctuary and happiness in your role as nurturer, protector, mentor and guide and that makes me so warm inside. If I can highlight these elements for you by listening to your advice, taking your counsel and acting on your words then that makes me happy. But also what makes me happy is sitting by your side, my face in your hand, eyes closed, just savouring the moment.
My final word has to go to this morning in bed. Pain was intense - when you were squeezing my nipples and biting my neck, the pain was intense. It really really (I would have sworn here in the past) hurt. You asked me to look for the deeper pain, to stay still, not to struggle but I did find it hard. But I really really wanted to take it for you. I really wanted you to know that I would do anything for you. But it wasn't until we got up that I saw you had done exactly what you said and carved your initial into my body. That's when the circle was complete for me. You did say you were going to do that but until I saw it - that raised, red weal on my bottom, I didn't fully understand what it meant. But it means you are proud of me. Proud enough to stamp something of yours on me. Proud enough of me to want to own the bit that I can give to you. Proud enough to know that this will make me happy, very happy indeed.
Thank you. From the bottom of my heart thank you. You said to me "it feels like you have come home" and it does. I feel content and at peace. Christ - I'm not naive so I know that give it 24 hours and real life will kick in but I also know that when you are there, in my life (at the end of the phone, in person) you will do your utmost to level me, to be a touchstone and to guide me. I so appreciate your experience (professionally and personally) and I have the highest regard for you as a person, a gentleman.
Finally (and I promise it is!!!) if this is too much I am sorry but you asked me for my thoughts. I have to write them - I cannot articulate this in person - two reasons, rejection and scorn. You would never ever ever pour scorn on my emotions but I do feel that the crux of my 'inner issues' are just that and experience has taught me to put up armour. With you, I am happy to be naked and to show you my throat - for you to hold, kiss and bite - but right now I am still happier writing it to you.
Thank you daddy for everything xxxxxxx
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