You did what to me?

Sunday evening
Still obviously completely not with it, head still somewhere circling above Heathrow (also unable to type - just took me 4 tries at Heathrow......), grin stopping me speaking properly, tummy happy with chips and toast.

So I feel like I have been waiting a bit. I know, i know - no patience mrs - but I have. Waiting for you to look at me with that knowing, strong brown eyed glance. And then it happened - evening of Sunday 'go upstairs, clean your teeth and freshen up'. Just enough words to send a little frisson of excitement through me. Like earlier when you asked me to carry your canes upstairs. Little little things - huge huge excitement. But i have really enjoyed the other bits too (before I go any further - just sitting by you with your hand on my head, on my face, is enough to bring me back so quickly).

Monday Morning
What did you do this weekend then S? Anything exciting?

Well, I got tied up, cut, had needles put in me, spanked, flogged, caned, scratched, allowed to orgasm a few times, had my blood drunk and my face covered in cum. And I was loved, adored and looked after. And given chips!!!! Yay. A fab weekend really. How was yours?

Monday Afternoon
What an amazing couple of hours you magicked up for me. We played! And it was fun and there was blood and swearing and everything. And in that couple of hours I became even more yours. Is this possible? Every time I write I say "I feel this is deeper/more intense etc" but it's true. Every little and large thing that we do together weaves us a little bit tighter.

Was worried that my presence for effectively 3 days now might have been a bit hard for you but i hope I have fitted in ok?

Anyway, back to the matter in hand. I really want to write down what happened and how I felt but my brain is jumping around like a butterfly - it was all amazing, you were amazing, we were amazing. And there was blood!!

You tied me with black and red rope (although I couldn't see it because I was blindfolded). Arms to my sides, legs together, rope rubbing my clit. Great very secure feeling being tied up but also incredibly vulnerable. And when you pushed me backwards, I'm not sure you realised (or perhaps you did?) that I didn't realise I was near the bed so thought I was about to end up on the floor.

And so I was lying on the bed, legs just hanging over as I could hear you foraging for things. Suddenly I felt the cold, wonderful steel of the knife on the bits of my body that weren't covered by rope - my front this time. It went through my mind that you might cut me (on purpose, planned) so I was waiting for that icy heat when you use the knife to make your mark. But it didn't come. Instead you asked me to stay completely still, I heard the door go and you had left the room.

Thoughts - swirling, confused, anxious, excited, horny thoughts. Were you going to expose me to someone else? Were you going to leave me and go downstairs? Heart beating, fingers clenching moment. One minute perhaps but felt much longer.

And then you were back and my nipples were getting so much attention. You have made them so sensitive with all your touch that as soon as I felt your fingers, I felt them stiffen. I thought you had the knife in your hand so I concentrated on staying still but this was different. I thought you were cutting into and around my nipple - warmth of pain certainly but different to anything else you have done to me before. When you moved onto the second nipple and asked me to breathe deeply, the penny dropped. You had needles in your hand and not a knife. I think I whimpered. I definitely asked you what you were doing and you removed the blindfold momentarily. As I was lying down, the bright lights in my eyes, I actually took a moment to focus and all I could see where the points of the needles facing my face. Straight through my nipples. One in each. Wow. And woah there. And oh my god we hadn't talked about needles before.

But I didn't have time to worry as you had me blindfolded again and now I was anxious not to move or wriggle at all so I lay still as you played with my nipples. Then searing, blinding, excrutiating, horrendous, worse than I have ever encountered before pain in my nipples. At the time I didn't know what you were doing - whether this was something starting or something finishing, was this the pain when the needles were removed. I had no idea. But you told me to focus and you gave me your finger to suck and that was the most comforting thing in the world and I thought I am going to get through this because it is an incredible feeling to be here with the man that I love, letting you, allowing you and wanting you to do these things to me because I am yours.

Then you stood me up and took the blindfold off and I looked in the mirror and my eye was drawn to the blood on my hip, the drips of blood coming from my nipples and I put my hand up to collect it. And there was an amazing contrast between the black and red rope, my skin, the blood, your hands on my shoulders, my mouth. I took it all in and then just hit cloud 9! Amazing feeling as we sat and hugged and talked and I thought - can this get any better?

Thank you xxx

The Return

I'm so relaxed and chilled this morning although I have a headache.

This time yesterday my head was crowded, I was distressed, upset, worried, panicky and unsure.

What changed?

Being in my daddy's arms again of course.

So really all that happened was a big, long, huge, lying down, in bed, naked hug. But in reality what happened was you said, without words, "I'm proud of you, we will get through this, I love and adore and want you, you are mine" You interspersed tenderness with talons and twisting, holding me tight throughout. I could clear my head almost immediately as your big strong hands took my face, throat, nipples, arse and back as their own.

I texted you on Wednesday night to say I just wanted to be under your hands and that is exactly what you did for me last night. Practical "it will be okay" type conversations didn't need to happen - what needed to happen was abandon and once again, you absolutely made that happen for me.

You amaze me. I said last night that it felt like my head was fizzing - if you can imagine an effervescent vitamin c tablet dissolving in a glass of water, that was me. Everything was tingling.

Thank you daddy xxxxxx

My second love - music

Marco V - Second Bite (stunning loudly in the car in the country lanes)

First verse - you and me xxxx

Got that feeling inside
like fire that will never stop
as the clocks run down
got to show me what you want

Move move move a little tighter
Think think think a little sharper
Breath breath breath a little faster
Can you catch yourself

Told you once, told you twice
anywhere, anynight,
told you once, told you twice
anywhere, everynight
tell you once, tell you twice
coming for a second bite

Pace, Boredom, Fatigue

I sometimes wonder (okay worry) that you will tire of me, of play, of the B and the S bit of BDSM. It's not like this is new for you - you must have 'done stuff' a million times before where of course it is all so so new to me that it is still tinged with a lot of magic. You talk about response and of pace and I understand how you measure both so as not to send me running for cover with cushions and fear. But from my perspective, I want you to be happy, to be loving all of this as much as me, to want to see where we can go and what we can do, experience, understand and feel.

I have no worries about how you feel about me (HUGE GRIN)

I have no concerns that we are utterly and totally compatible. (HUGER GRIN STILL)

My wobble stems from the fear that you will start going through the motions just to please me and I never want that.

Part of me wants to run a marathon before I can barely crawl. That'll be my impatient side then......But I also know that you are holding me tight so I don't fall, falter, fail or flail.

I always want you to be honest with me so that if you feel like, you know, it's just becoming routine and you can do it with your eyes closed and you're not feeling it deep in your chest like I am, then you can and must tell me.

Not sure why I am worried really as I understand that you for you, the pleasure comes not only from inflicting (good) pain but also (and more importantly) from watching me grow and develop. This is the real D/s - the confidence you bestow in me to go out there and achieve and be what you believe I can be. But there is also the hitty, restraint, play, pleasure, pain, challenge side that I love and I want to be sure you do too.

Crumbs. Talk about separation anxiety......

xxxx

McSlut

You give me wings. GRIN x

I never want this to fade.

xxx

Are we human

or are we dancer? Yes, I know, my favourite Killers song again.

Things I learned over the past 4 days:

1) The most comfortable I have ever felt is when we are quiet together, just lying in each other's arms
2) There are a hundred million squillion 'forms' of D/s (but clearly what we have is the best!)
3) The cold steel of a knife, followed by the crackly sparks of the violet wand, followed by finger nails, a flogger and the best hug in the world really does transcend what I have ever experienced before. Even just the pressure of your hand on my neck as you make a tartan pattern on my back just sends me straight over the edge. A hundred pints or a bag full of drugs doesn't even come close to the natural high of being your slut.
4) The new tartan that you have developed shall henceforth be called McSlut (although that sounds slightly like something that might come from a kinky McDonalds.......!)
5) Other people's play is just fascinating - tasks in a local pub, a quick spank near a pool table, bravery from a certain person, belly laughs of embarrassment and kudos, the sight of somebody's body and a collar over dinner, shock and inquisitiveness at the sight of cut flesh, intensity of snatched conversation, dynamics of couples - all brilliant to observe and to be part of
6) Inflatable beds and you and me don't get on
7) The absolutely amazingness of you being inside me and the almost spontaneous need to cum immediately (by me and also by you)
8) Having my nipples played with, twisted, turned, pulled, abused and grappled with makes me extremely, extraordinarily wet
9) Your happy, mouth closed, eyes closed smile which speaks volumes
10) I love you. Okay, so I didn't learn that over the past 4 days but it shouts itself every time you take my hand, hold my head to your chest or stroke my face
11) I really want you to draw my blood

So to answer the question? We are most certainly human but what an incredible enriching dance we are participating in.


xxx

He takes me to places....

....I've never been before. Like Tesco in Salisbury.

Am I the luckiest girl in the world?!

Once again I sit at my laptop, smile running through my entire body, weary, missing you, happy to have shared some time together, back tingling from the knives/shower combo, proud of you and your brilliance. This time it feels even more intense, like every hour that we spend together brings us closer together, ever more comfortable in each other's presence (I didn't think that possible) and in the most lovely, chilled, slight come-down headspace.

I cannot imagine now, a few weeks into 'us' that there was a time before I felt this incredibly alive. Things that have gone before (relationships, sex, drunken debauchery) just look like withered leaves in the face of how I feel at the moment. There is no going back - not that I for one millisecond want to return to my anxious, frustrated, selfish, self-gratifying existence - because now I am looking forward. Looking forward to so much - business, family, life. All with a renewed self-confidence, an inner peace because what we have fulfills me so much.

Thank you for sharing your friends and your pleasures with me.

I love you daddy xxx

PS bird :-)

I'm Yours

"I know that" you say to yourself. "What's she on about now?"

Well, I've just had a wank. No, actually I have just tried to have a wank. Shower head, warm water, usual perfect set-up. But nothing. Not even a tingle. Not even a "mmm, that's the right place", legs aquiver moment. Nothing. Nada. Zip.

And you know why don't you? Firstly, because now my pleasure is inextricably tied up with your pleasure and with you. Secondly because, however much I rail against it, it looks like pain has become part of my pleasure. And thirdly because without you, your permission and your presence, there ain't really much to wank about is there?

So there you have it. I'm yours.

xxx

PPS

Just received a text from the aforementioned Charlie (and he is proving himself so to be...) "If I pay Him, can I use you?"

Tsk.

x

PS

Total heart flip the other day when you said "there'll be fewer jeans days from now on" Boy that made me hot. And annoyed. And content.

x

This is David

I don't want to say it - not because I am not proud or want to shout it from the rooftops - just that I don't want it scrutinised.

What we have is so much more than what the outside world could see or understand.

I love the secretness, the you and me club, the taboo of what we do together and that's what makes it even hotter for me. It's naughty, it's 'socially unacceptable', it's deviant, it's dirty and it is ours. Ours to do with exactly what we want - our time to be self indulgent and to regress (me) and to progress (you and me).

I want it to always feel wrong because that is exactly what makes it feel right.

Okay but who knows about us?
Alister - vanilla with D/s leanings - a good friend and someone who I can and do share 'stuff' with. No judgement just understanding.

My sister - 100% open and understanding and loving. A great source of entertainment, support and love.

Charlie - my deviant friend. Who wanted to give me a gang bang for my birthday because I'm been banging (ha ha) on about this for about a million years. Who, when I told him I was loved up and happy was pleased for me in a bit of a sulky "oh, what about me" way so I told him to speak to you........(obviously I haven't actually given him your number but it was fantastic saying it. First time I have deferred my thoughts, wants and desires - my life- to you.)

And that's it. So there won't be much of an opportunity for a "And this is David" type conversation because those that know know. And those that don't absolutely don't need to.

I love being your baby girl. I love being your friend. But most of all I love being a dirty little secret right now.

xxx

Cold out innit

It really is freezing cold - biting wind, driving rain, grey and heavy skies. Winter is absolutely here and the three jumpers I am wearing testify to that. No heating on in the day though - keep those costs down......

But how warm am I inside? I'm busy and productive and every so often (well, let's say every 5 minutes) a little thought crosses my mind and I think of you. About the protection I feel from you and the love. It's a great stress reliever and a constant source of pleasure 'cos I know you are thinking about me too. You're proud of me, you're thinking about me, you're enjoying what we have.

Suffice to say, I think about you just about every waking minute really. Hope you are okay, hope your day is going the way you need and want it to, that you are happy, warm, not hungry, not worried about anything. That calm benevolent smile you give me when you catch me looking at you from underneath my eye-lashes - that is how I think of you. I know things are a bit RAAAAAARRRRR at the moment and I thank you even more therefore for looking out for me and for giving me a "x" text just 'cos you want to.

Protection, love, understanding, respect and FILTH. What girl could ask for more?

Thank you daddy xxx

Rememberance Day

Like I'm going to forget.

xxx

Instruments of pleasure

Voice

Knife

Hands

Fingers

Cane

Cock

Cunt

But the strongest and bestest of all? Your mind.

xxx