My journey

Six months - the quickest, most incredible six months in history. Starting with trepidation, ending in trepidation. So many new experiences and so much learned.

You have asked me to write about the ways that I have changed, what I have learned and what I have discovered. A thesis or a dissertation would not be enough but I will try.

1) I can. This is something that I have always strived for - I can ..... work hard, behave, achieve, be a good mother, manage my house, manage my finances, keep everything going. And now I can. With no hesitation I am able to achieve everything on my list because I am loved - loved absolutely and wholly by the most incredible man with infinite patience and capacity to forgive, teach, mentor, love and care.

2) I am attractive. For the first time in my life, I am accepting compliments, dressing to please my man, painting my nails the shade you like, ensuring I am waxed smooth as I know you like, learning about coffee, ironing your shirts, making your bed - just wanting you to love me and fancy me like a mad thing. And I think I know the answer to that. I am sexy. People do want to eat me, grab my bottom and describe unspeakable things to me. I've always flirted using my mind but now that I am owned by you and happy - people are flirting with my body too.

3) I'm me. You never judge me. You have heard and listened to my innermost secret desires - about being used, about dogs (oh my god), about blood and pain and degradation. About being on display. Everything you take in your stride - you help me work through and you make me realise it is GOOD naughtiness and not evil disgusting naughtiness. You are letting me absolve myself of responsibility because I am your slut, your baby and I belong to you. Wow.

4) Being owned has given me me. Being yours has let me be me. I feel alive and the best I can be because of you. Because of your tender, loving, caring, kind, forceful approach, I can be me. For the first time in years. No pretence, no going through the motions. Absolutely me. But a better, more purposeful me.

5) I love you. Rationally - my mind says helloooo - this is not what you are looking for. Rationally - my mind says - this is everything you are looking for - want, need and desire. My man. My strong dependable utterly confident and brilliantly articulate man. This is what you have been looking for through so many disappointing experiences. My daddy - my love - my rock.

Thank you xxxx