Introduction

I am at the beginning of a journey.  I have taken my first faltering steps and I have enjoyed what I have found.  But I am scared too - scared at where this is taking me, scared at why I need this, scared at what I might become.  Quite honestly scared that this might take me over.

From the beginning of my rational conscious thought, I have had dirty dark secrets.  At the age of 10 I and other girls would play with each other, kissing, wriggling on top of each other but I knew it was a secret.  That I shouldn't share it with anyone.  And my mother says I was bad even at 5 - getting boys to hide crayons in my underwear.

Then when I was 13 I learnt about masturbation and was hooked.  And used the shower jet on my clit time and time again, burning my toes on the hot water as I struggled to keep it attached to the taps but loving the feelings. And I still do - the shower and me are very good friends.

So - what about this blog then?  Well, after 7 years of a fairly staid marriage I set off to look for something new.  I met a few people just for sex, tried a few things out - became almost masculine about the need for pleasure.  Freudian wise I suspect I was looking for anything to take my mind off becoming a mother - you know, be selfish again, be self indulgent, forget responsibility for half an hour/an evening/a night.  But it was all unsatisfactory.  The sex was great but I was missing the personal.

Then in September 2007 I discovered the wonderful world of BDSM, of the lifestyle, of the strange, the deviant, the downright dangerous and the frankly absolutely fucking amazing.  And so my journey has begun.  And I just want somewhere to document my thoughts, feelings, emotions, fears and excitements.  And it is going to be self-indulgent - I make no apologies for that.