The search

It was becoming clear that I had some criteria and it was becoming obvious that there were certain things I was craving in a relationship:

1) I didn't want just play. I'm insecure at the best of times so although lots of couples got in touch with me saying would I like to play, I really need to know where I stand and after all the crazy stuff is finished, I want to go to bed with my man and say "I love you"

2) I loved rope and bondage

3) I wasn't quite as bi as I thought. I liked playing with a woman but if I was to do it again, I needed an experienced woman

4) I was not, never was going to be, didn't want to be ever again a Domme

5) I needed discipline to tame my bratty side

6) I needed nurturing, care, love, protection, support and honesty from my Dom at all times. Not just in a scene but in real life too. I needed someone to look up to, to serve, to worship, to look after and most of all to please. I needed praise that I was doing things right - that somebody was proud of me, that I was a good girl.

In essence, my first two outings had helped me see clearly what I was looking for. But it wasn't until I started chatting online to others that I realised clearly and for the first time that I was looking for a specific D/s dynamic - that of the Daddy Dom.

Much has been written about this phenomenon and instinctively, many cringe from the idea. I don't need to justify the existence of this type of relationship between two consenting adults but if you are interested, then this link http://www.subspace.cc/daddydoms.htm
explains it perfectly.

For me it is about protection, service, love and adoration. I'm sure a psychologist would have a field day with me - my father was often away with work, I was at an all girls boarding school, I looked for male company on my back rather than in my head. But the honest truth is, I work best when under the command of someone stronger than me who I can look up to. And I love to please. I'm a worrier, I'm a bundle of anxious moments tied up with an external confidence that belies the churning inside. But with a Daddy to keep an eye on me, tell me what to do, guide me in the ways that he wanted serving, I could truly become the best I could be.

But I am jumping ahead because I didn't really come up with all this just in a moment. I actually realised it because I got chatting to someone online who I clicked with because of his caring attitude. Then he said he was a Daddy Dom so I looked it up and WOW - I couldn't have imagined that such a perfect fit in D/s would actually exist. I wanted a relationship based on the Daddy/lil girl principle. My heart beat faster